The Hard Moments of Being Single on the Field

I cried in front of my language helper, Sufiya, last week.

She asked me why I am not married. It wasn’t the first time she had brought it up. But this time, Sufiya said she and her husband had been talking. And they agreed that it isn’t good that I am single.

“You should not be traveling alone or doing your work alone,” she said.

Sufiya suggested that the reason I am not married is because I am too fixated on my work and have no time to find a spouse. I am always busy going from one work thing to another, she said.

“It’s your fault you have not made time to find a husband. And you are old. You should have had a family by now. How could you wait this long?”

I had already been struggling in my singleness. Her words exacerbated my pain.

As I listened, it took everything in me to hold back the tears and keep from turning into a puddle on the ground.

“You are wasting time,” Sufiya said before finally stopping.

I’ve never felt so misunderstood, especially by someone I meet with every day. It’s painful to realize that the people I am closest to here—like Sufiya—are still so far from knowing me.

I had already been struggling in my singleness. Her words exacerbated my pain.

Feeling misunderstood is part of the reality of my daily life here. I don’t know one local person here who is above the age of 23 and unmarried. Being almost a decade older than that brings a lot of shame. I work hard to try not to pick up that shame.

I know I am not alone. In His sovereignty, God has called thousands of single men and women to leave their families—and their marriage prospects—to serve Him in other lands. And great advances for the Gospel have been made through the ministries of singles.

But many of us hope to be married. And in our minds and hearts, we silently struggle with the very things my language helper spoke out loud—that our solitary state is not good and that we’re doing something wrong.

There’s an esteemed place for singles in God’s Kingdom. Just look at our unmarried biblical role models—Paul, Anna, Martha, and John the Baptist to name a few.

Single men and women are critical to fulfilling Christ’s command to go and make disciples of all nations.

But we need your help. Please pray for and encourage the singles in your life.

• Pray for single field workers to hold onto the truth that in God’s plan to reach the nations, they are essential—just as they are.
• Pray that men and women who long for a spouse will find comfort and courage as they wait in the trustworthy arms of the Savior.
• Pray for single workers to draw near to God in their struggles and remember that they are an esteemed part of Christ’s body.